The Debt Britain Duet

On March 24th, 2010, Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequer concluded his budget speech by singing, approximately to the tune of the Flanders and Swann song “Mud, mud, glorious mud”, a new lyric he had just written:

Debt, debt, glorious debt,
We‘ll keep it going for many years yet.
We’ll never get paid
What it cost to invade
The wogs with our bombs and our tanks –
Never mind what we’ve given the banks –
’Cause bankers do like to bet.

George Osborne, Shadow Chancellor immediately stepped forward and joined him in a reprise. The crowded House of Commons leapt to their feet and applauded how well they harmonized:

Debt, debt, glorious debt,
We‘ll keep it going for many more years.
Though we’ve not been paid
What it cost to invade
The wogs with our bombs and our tanks –
Never mind what we’ve given the banks –
We’ll laugh through our grandchildren’s tears.

On April 29th they asked Vince Cable to join them so they could form a trio. But Vince refused unless he was given star billing. So Osborne and Darling were obliged to busk at the stage door while the leaders’ debate went on inside. They sang sadly:

Debt, debt, glorious debt,
We’ve caused a cock-up no one’ll forget.
When our debt increases
Till it dwarfs Greece’s,
Let’s not flinch or wince.
Let’s try to con Vince
That by sticking together
And babbling blether
We’ll con the voters as well,
And damn Britannia to bankruptcy hell.

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No, but seriously …

On March 24th, 2010, the Chancellor Alistair Darling presented a budget which revealed very clearly to anyone who bothered to listen carefully how he had absolutely no idea how to cut Britain’s enormous debt. All he could do was glory in the fact that the debt now appeared to be £167 billion, instead of £188 billion. Only £167 billion – whoopee!!

On March 25th, 2010, George Osborne, the Shadow Chancellor, interviewed on the Today Programme, revealed that he too had absolutely no idea how to reduce the debt. Evan Davies, interviewing Osborne, pointed out that Chancellor and Shadow Chancellor, showed more or less equal helplessness. One party might cut £5 billion slightly quicker than the other. But what difference would that £5 billion make to the enormous £167 billion total?

On April 29th, as the three leaders prepare for their TV debate on the economy, it is now clear that all three of them are equally at a loss as to how the British people can clear the huge deficit run up by the gambling bankers.

Perhaps a hung parliament, and a coalition which genuinely consults the citizens of Britain, may be the best result we can hope for in the coming election.

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