In praise of Edddie Stobart

The news this morning, December 1st 2009, mentioned Denby Transport launching a truck 80 feet long on British roads. Let us celebrate this apocolocyntosis of transport policy. Denby, admittedly, are trying to maintain that an 80 foot truck will cause less carbon dioxide pollution than two trucks 40 feet long. Perhaps. But that is not the point.

In case readers are unfamiliar with the word apocolocyntosis, it refers to a satire on one of the Roman emperors. Instead of undergoing apotheosis and becoming a god, he undergoes apocolocyntosis and becomes a pumpkin. I guess many of us would reckon pumpkins would be better at planning Transport for Britain than the present officials in charge.

The trucks which are now ploughing up British roads, even the motorways, should not have been brought into existence. The goods which they carry should travel on railways.

But Britain, possesses a railway system appropriate, not to a third world country, not to a fourth world country, but to a fifth world country, a country governed by certifiable freaks, blind, deaf, and insane. No, one might excuse such people. But our politicians, acting like certifiable freaks, blind, deaf, and insane, claim to be in possession of their wits.

If Britain had a reasonably effective railway system, one which could carry freight, Britain’ s contribution to carbon dioxide emissions and global warming would be hugely reduced.

There is an extremely silly commercial on the television at the moment, which challenges us all to “drive five miles less every week.” Extremely silly, because it’s like New Year resolutions. Sure, we can all say “Yes, I’ll drive five miles less this week”, and possibly we will drive five miles less. Possibly we’ll even do so for the next week. And then the various pressures on us to use our cars will return, and we shall go back to our usual mileage. How else can someone in the country, with no available public transport, get to work?

Eddie Stobart runs a trucking business. I’ve never met Eddie Stobart. But he endears himself to road users by his custom of dedicating each of his trucks to a girl, and putting her as an emblem on the truck front. The problem is that motorists passing a Stobart truck may crane their necks dangerously trying to see whether the Eddie girl is a Dawn or a Cheryl.

A while ago, we noticed far fewer Eddie Stobart trucks on the road. Why? Eddie announced he was sending his stuff by rail. This even applied to freight from the continent. Well done, Eddie. It seemed as if this would be feasible.

Admittedly, we now do see Eddie Stobart trucks on the road again. But Eddie’s website proudly proclaims the frequency of his freight train services, and the amount of goods he does ship by train.

Trying to drive a few miles less each week is a worthy aim. But it is a gesture only. What we need to do is to persuade other haulage firms to behave like Eddie Stobart and force the railways to accept their freight. If all the haulage firms in Britain were like Eddie Stobart …

If all the haulage firms in Britain bombarded the railways with requests …

Well, perhaps then in thirty years' time, when the sea level has risen by the height of a tallish man, and floods like the recent ones in Cockermouth are regular occurrences, perhaps then something might be done ...

We need to remember that our politicians are not sane sensible people with whom we can discuss issues. They are like squabbling children in a playground, and we, the people of Britain, must behave like old-fashioned disciplinarian teachers, and shout at them to stop messing about and get back to work.